Big League Marketing

[Background music: Upbeat jingle] Announcer: Budweiser presents... Real People of Genius! (Real People of Genius!) Announcer: Today we salute you, oh Avante Garde marketing team and Pile o' Bones behind the Beers and Braids Workshop! (Oh, what were they thinking?) Announcer: You saw a simple act of bonding between a father and daughter and said if Budweiser can make questionable decisions, "Hold my beer, we can make this better!" (Hold my beer!) Announcer: Who needs genuine connections and meaningful moments when you can have ice cold brewskis and tangled hair? (Hey, it's all about priorities!) Announcer: Because what better way to teach your kids about quality time than by relying on alcohol and beverage options for all ages? (One workshop fits all!) (Here kid,have a juice box!) Announcer: You've truly elevated the art of superficial bonding. Forget deep conversations or heartfelt activities, it's all about brews and braids! (Cheers to that!) Announcer: So here's to you, dear marketing team, for reminding us that nothing says "Father's Day" like beer in hand and a messy hairdo. 🍻 (We salute you!) Announcer: Budweiser, raising a glass to the real geniuses behind questionable marketing strategies. (Welcome to the big leagues) Please Drink Responsibly

Is this hypocritical? Yes.

Today people won't go to an unvaccinated doctor, for their own protection.

Yesterday they took their communicable disease to the same unvaccinated doctor, for their own protection.

#healthcareheroes are #STILLHEROES

How much classroom prep time should armed teachers devote to firearms training?

The "Farnam Drill" is shot against a 8.5"x11" sheet of paper at 10 yards. The shooter starts with a concealed, holstered, handgun loaded with 4 live rounds and one dummy round and a spare magazine with 3 rounds. On the buzzer the shooter draws and shoots until there is a stoppage, clears the malfunction and shoots the gun empty, performs a speed reload, and shoots twice.

According to John Fogh, a reputable firearms instructor, 'Competent' is 100% hits and completing the drill in less than 18 seconds consistently. A good instructor can get you there (or pretty close) in a weekend and less than 1000 rounds. Maintaining that is probably shooting 50 rounds a week.

The latest round of FBI suspect interviews conducted for the third book in the officer assaulted and murdered trilogy, Violent Encounters, it was revealed that those suspects believed that the police officers they shot trained between two and three times a week with their firearms.

In reality, most police departments only train about two times a year, averaging less than 15 hours annually.

In contrast to the frequency of police training, those same suspects revealed that they practiced on average 23 times a year (or almost twice a month) with their handguns.

I once had a firearm instructor tell me that only 20-30% of bullets shot by a cop hit the target.

Tim Dees, retired cop and justice professor said, "Most marksmanship training is conducted on static pistol/rifle ranges, where the targets don’t shoot back and the shooters know well in advance that they are going to shoot. Actual combat shooting is nothing like that. There is some training with paintballs and simulated ammunition that is more realistic (because not making good use of cover gets you hit with projectiles that aren’t deadly, but sting a lot), but it’s expensive and requires special venues and lots of setup.

If you watch videos of police shootings, you’ll see very few carefully aimed shots. The police are usually attacked without warning, and shoot defensively at the threat. The military in combat might aim a little better, but much of their fire is for cover or suppression, intended to make the enemy keep their heads down and denying them effective fire. Police don’t shoot that way. Police have to have a specific target and a specific threat.

Police firearms training in the U.S. is probably as good as it's ever been, but the effective hit ratio isn’t any better than it was in the revolver days, even though a lot more rounds are fired.
Most cops go their entire careers and never fire their weapons outside the pistol range.".

I would hope its the same for armed teachers.

Glass Houses

About 750,000 registered voters in SK gives you a good idea of how many adults there are in our province.
We have about 700 recorded drunk driving incidents per 100,000 people.
That's just the people who get caught in a year.

5,250 people, give or take, and probably well over double that in real life.

You or someone you've ridden with might have done it yourself once or twice.

Speared

I've got a friend that shares everything on social media. And it's all linked together. Whatever gets posted on instagram automatically gets uploaded to Facebook and Twitter and vice versa. Meals, romantic updates, where they are, who they're with and what's going on 24/7.
It's like we're camping together.

Then there's the Facebook Amazon. She's the one that hunts down her prey and then traps the poor bastard in a social media cage.
After deciding on a target, she sights him in and shoots him. Not a kill shot...just a tag. She tags him so other Facebook amazons can see. She'll continue to tag her prey with tranquilizers, subduing it with posts containing pictures of flowers, that she can show him later and ask why don't you send me flowers at work anymore, captioned "best bf evaarrr" and wistful “Pining away for Jordan…I just love you so much I can’t stand it!” posts.

When the quarry eventually gets worn down from getting hit by these posts, similar to Stockholm syndrome he breaks down and likes the posts and wham. He's liked enough posts to build a cage. And he feels safe in it. He went in on his own.

It's capture bonding.
Its a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors.

"Asshole #1 missin u like crazy!
1 second ago • Comment • Like

Asshole #2 likes this.

Asshole #2 Me 2! Can't wait to c u l8r on 2nite, sexy! xoxo ♥

Then she closes the door. Locking it up tight with the ultimate master lock. You can't get this one at Ukrainian Tire. It's the "IN A RELATIONSHIP" lock.
Then, and we've all seen it happen, the poor dumb animal realizes that it's being fed through a slot in the door and one day when she dresses him up and is walking him at an art gallery opening he makes a break for the door.
Then the Facebook Amazon sharpens the posts into spears and impales the head of her victim upon them...moving on to new prey.

The Simple Things

Some things aren't any easier with a smartphone and modern Internet technology. We are over complicating the simplest of  things. It's over civilization.  Did you know you can now buy prepeeled bananas?  Yeah, peeled bananas in a plastic tray with plastic wrap that you peel off the banana to get at the banana. It's overkill all over the place to solve the most basic dilemmas.

Going to a movie,  for example.
I know why you guys subscribe to Netflix...you're the smart ones...Netflix is easy.
 
Going to a movie used to be easy.  You used to look at the paper for a show time and go.
Or you'd call the theatre and get a guy.  You'd ask the guy what's playing. The guy would rattle off the titles.  You'd ask the guy when the next show time for Star Wars, the guy would tell you and you'd go. If you got a busy signal you'd either call the guy back or go to plan A.

Look in the paper and go.

Now you either call the theatre and after circling the drain in their automated phone system for five long years before getting a recording of all the show times with all the details of each show, and the mothers with babies special times, specific features for handi-able clients and deaf people and all the daily Yogen Fruz specials with an invitation to visit their website at www.wastemytime.com for further information and updated local show times.

By the time I've heard all that, the freaking movie is on freaking BluRay disc already.  OR I can use my smart phone,  tablet or PC to go to the website first, but that redirects me to CinemaClock for pop up advertising and a battle to tell it where I am because it is confusing the WiFi info with my phones GPS's info and it thinks I'm looking for movie information in Toronto.

Once I've convinced the menuing system that I'm in Regina and  not Toronto I'm faced with new selections for every theatre and library within 50 miles and have to narrow my search criteria to ultimately find out that Star Wars isn't playing at the IMAX tonight. But that's OK, the whole process took until tomorrow anyways. We're now going to be early for the next show.

That's when you just Netflix and chill.

Emojis Caused the Downfall of Egypt

The Egyptian language wasn't all emojis all the time

The Egyptians had a cursive alphabet and a written language long before Hieroglyphics were invented,  they used it to write contracts and history,  sacred texts and clearly written instructions for doing amazing things like building pyramids and shit.
Then one day along comes some asshole with the first Hieroglyph,  the very first emoji.
That was the beginning of the downfall of Egyptian civilization. Their use exploded onto the scene,  new glyphs being issued every few months so people could dumb themselves down even further with cute combinations like an owl and a bee and an hourglass when they were going to be a couple of days late for some circumcision ceremony or something.

After that it was all downhill for the Egyptians...only the smart people continued to use cursive written language,  and they ended up leaving Egypt to open up bagel shops and diamond cutting businesses around the world. Only the emoji zombies remained and they didn't understand the history and carefully written instructions left for them detailing how to maintain the equipment.

Thousands of years of carefully planned societal order gone to waste just because some low brow son of an Egyptian slave couldn't find the time or creativity to craft a well worded love letter to that hot little slave girl down the Euphrates and sent her a picture of his snake instead.
We’re heading back to ancient Egyptian times...next stop the stone age, and we are going there with a big yellow smiley grin on our faces.

Sexual Assault

I was sexually assaulted by Miley Cyrus. Maybe you have been too and should come forward.

In fact it's happened many times. 

Every time I turn on the TV and she's there it happens, even if I turn it off or change the channel the damage has already been done. It's like a wrecking ball, inflicting incremental damage to my psyche.

When I report it, no one believes me or even worse yet, they ask me, "What were you watching?"...as if to say that by tuning into the video music awards show, I was asking for it. I was just looking for some good old fashioned music, I didn't consent to a hoedown throw down, and there was no warning it was coming either.

Then it's on to the victim shaming, like I'm the one who is the problem and she is just an ordinary girl setting a good example for youth.

10 Universal Hacks for a Human Being

1. 1. There is only one source, one creation. We all came to be in the same manner. We are all brothers and sisters subservient to the universe, helping better each other through life.
2. 2. Keep your universal priorities clear, and things will work out for the animals, the environment, and for you as well.
3. 3. Never swear an intent or make a promise to the universe that you do not intend to keep.
4. 4. Dedicate or set aside a regular day each week for rest and reflection upon your moral and ethical beliefs.
5. 5. Give honour to your father and mother by treating them with respect and obedience.
6. 6. Do not deliberately kill a fellow human being without just cause.
7. 7. Do not have sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse. It breaks the integrity of a marriage and never ends well. 
8. 8. Do not steal or take anything that doesn't belong to you, unless you have been given permission to do so.
9. 9. Do not tell a lie about someone or bring a false accusation against another person.
10. 10. Do not desire anything or anyone that does not belong to you. Comparing yourself to others and longing to have what they have leads to jealousy, envy and low self esteem.

Je Suis Charlie Eh?

Picture this and tell me if any media outlet in Canada would show this in a cartoon or a comedy sketch....

(interior police car, red and blue lights flashing on the interior roof, a drunk in gang banger clothes being loaded into the back.)

Cop: "Welcome to Cash Cruiser, the game show we play right here in my police car.  It's 39 blocks to the station, I'm going to ask you a series of questions. For each one you get right, you'll get closer to the safe, warm drunk tank at the city cells and earn money for your fines, for each one you get wrong you'll get a strike. Three strikes and we'll drop you off to fend for yourself. You have three shout outs available, you can try two family members who'll take you in and you can call a lawyer. Ready?"

Drunk, "ok, but don't hurt my snake."

Cop, "your snake is fine. alright, we'll start with the $100 questions;
What historical figure, born in 1844, executed in 1885 and is widely considered to be the 'Father of Manitoba?"

Drunk, "Easy, eh..Tupac. The struggle is real muthafacca."

Cop, "Sorry, we were looking for Louis Riel, strike one. Now for $500, what's your home address? Remember, you have all your shout outs left."

Drunk, "zzzzzzzz"

Your Interview has been cancelled

Did Sony do the right thing in cancelling 'The Interview'?

Yes they did. If only from a liability standpoint. All it would take is one 'self radicalized' goofball shooting at theatregoers to bring out the Monday morning pundits saying "I told you so" and lawyers saying "you were warned".
Although I defend their right to make and distribute it, a bit of a line was crossed by using a living world leader. Even Charlie Chaplin , Team America World Police and Borat vaguely disguised the bad guy in their satire. Rogan poked the bear in the eye. I'm surprised that the script passed first draft without an eyebrow being raised.
That and, have you seen a Seth Rogan movie lately? Not very good.
It probably would've left them in the hole anyway, like Disney and the Lone Ranger.

At least now they have a controversy to gain sales as a cult film.

The Social Contract of 20th Century Halloween

What bugs me about Halloween today is households that don't hand out candy and parents who drive their kids out of their own neighborhoods. 

Halloween used to be a social contract. Even homes with no kids would hand out treats, in EVERY neighborhood. It was one day a year when everyone had to put pants and the porch light on and participate. A chance to get to know your own neighbors.

If you didn't, the other part of the social contract was that kids might toilet paper your yard or egg your house...it simply wasn't worth taking the chance of not handing out treats. After all, it's only once a year.

That was the social contract of Halloween when I was a kid.

Even the guy with no lawn, just potatoes in his front yard...the Bermuda yard where if, during the rest of the year, your ball or frisbee was considered lost forever if it went in there because no one, and I mean NO ONE DARED GO IN THAT YARD. 

Even he opened his gate, turned on the light and handed out candy. Halloween wasn't a pagan celebration, it was a time when the whole community got together and had a light hearted, boo-fully scary good time.

Imagine the potential for neighborhood improvement if parents and kids were to, en masse, take back their own neighborhoods.

That is, for the parents that care.

Gentitlement

Where does the 'Entitled' generation come from?

Take the case of two kids, one of them a three year old and his five year old sister. Both in the most impressionable and formative time of their lives. The time when they are setting their social interaction patterns for life.

Mom is a huge fan of 'Big Brother' and 'Survivor', she's watched every prime time episode of every season. It's mom's quiet time.

For that hour each week she watches while the kids play.

The only adult voices and conversation in the room come from the TV.

The kids are absorbing it by osmosis. It's just sinking in. All of the backstabbing, deceit and buggery that goes into the reality TV game. Everyone out for themselves, forming dubious alliances and making shady deals with one goal in mind. 

Winning.

Say and do anything to get what you want.

Winning.

Do everything for yourself with that one goal in mind.

Don't get voted out. Screw someone else.

These two shows have been on the air for fifteen years now. Those kids are eighteen and twenty now.

There's your problem. Generation Entitlement.

Good

ALS research got $14 million more on donations this August than last.
Good.
It's largely due to the 'ice bucket challenge' where Oprah, Steve Balmer, Justin Bieber and a laundry list of celebrities dump ice on themselves to avoid donating $100 while challenging others to do the same. Sure, it raises awareness, but the bulk of the money raised comes from the middle class.
Between the first three celebs mentioned above, $15 mil would be pretty easy to raise from just running around money.

The Real Danger of Internet Hoaxes

There is a story, made up by the 'National Report', making the rounds on the internet about a  NYPD cop killing a baby.

It didn't happen, it's fake, even it's author admits it.

This FAKE story was originally contrived by the 'National Report'.
To call it satire does a disservice to real satirical writers everywhere. It is a HOAX and a bad one at that.  'The Onion', 'SNL',  'This Hour' ...these are satire . The 'National Report' isn't satire, it's inflammatory bullshit.

It takes a sick mind to think that the subject of baby killing should be the subject of a joke.
HOAX stories like this are repugnant. They promote fear and hatred.
This HOAX promotes fear and hatred of police and needs to be stopped.
Sharing it needs to be stopped, because the more it is shared, the more people will believe it without checking its accuracy.

Stop it. Please.
I, like many of you, have family and friends in law enforcement that we pray for every day to come home at the end of their shift.

Why is this story, and hoaxes like it, dangerous?


This 'baby killer' story is FAKE and DID NOT HAPPEN.
Sharing it gives it tacit veracity and simply feeds the anti authority, cop hating psychosis of people like the Nova Scotia shooter.

Debunking this BULLSHIT and even removing this post might even save a cop's life from being taken by a simple minded Wing-nut with a closet full of guns.

Rant over.

Here is the scoop on the source, the So called satirical rag called the 'National Report'

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Report

And here is the bullshit story itself. It only took a couple of taps of the thumbs to determine it is not true.

http://www.politicalears.com/blog/baby-girl-killed-by-nypd-cop-after-illegally-ordering-mom-to-stop-breastfeeding/

Marijuana Legalization. You're doing it wrong.

I support the legalization of marijuana.
But you're doing it wrong.
Controlling and taxing the production and sale of it simply puts money in the pocket of government and a few select individuals who can afford the infrastructure and security.
Trusting the government with that much cash? What could go wrong?
The way to legalize it is just like carrots are legal. Let everybody grow it.
Let everybody sell it.
Some people would be too lazy to grow their own and would buy it.
Just like carrots.
Small local producers would them be able to compete with big business.
Just like carrots.
Some people would buy at 7-11 or superstore for the convenience, some would buy at the farmers market.
Just like carrots.
If the government wanted to compete on this level playing field they could.
Just like carrots. (Notice I didn't use potatoes as an example. See: Spudco)
Organized crime could even compete, although with increased supply probably wouldn't want to due to lowered margins.
Just like carrots.
It's been proven that the plant itself can't kill you, and could even be good for you.
Just like carrots.
A wider base of growers will speed the development of new and existing uses for the whole plant.
Just like carrots.
Using it to nourish, power, heal and make our world better.
Just like carrots.

Go ahead and treat impairment as impairment.

Why Did I Open the Door?

I don’t open doors, or practice other acts of chivalry towards women because I look at them and think: ‘geez, she looks like a frail weakling incapable of scaling the great heights of masculine awesomeness which gives us the muscular strength that females lack for door opening prowess. I better open this door for her before her poor tiny confused female brain makes her cry because it can’t figure out the engineering dynamics of door opening.’

No, instead when I look at women I see the feminine genius. A genius so profoundly complex, important and valuable that I adore it. I adore the feminine genius because I am a real man who has not had his masculine awareness dulled by erroneous ideologies about gender, or seriously messed up by pornography-fueled predatory attitudes towards women.

As a real man I know that for my masculinity to scale the heights of greatness, I depend totally on the feminine genius to become the best that a man can ever be – in much the same way that I depend on oxygen to keep on living.

Without the complimentary and amazing feminine genius I can never be a real man. Instead I am doomed to be nothing more than the masculine equivalent of a rōnin – the Japanese name for a samurai without a master to lead him, a term which literally means “wave man” because he is adrift without direction and purpose.

I open doors for women because I know they deserve my profound adoration and selfless love. My tiny act of sacrifice is my way of saying ‘I am in awe of your feminine genius and all that I owe to it as a man’.

Any man who tries to tell you to stop opening doors for women is unvirtuous and selfish – he is not a real man. Do not listen to him.

Any person who tells you that opening doors for women makes you a hater or belittler of women and femininity is tragically confused and desperately out of touch with reality.

Ladies, not only do you have every right to expect such respect and selflessness from the men who encounter your presence, but you should be extremely worried by any person lobbying for a world where men walk past women with a blind ignorance to your female greatness.

Such a world would be a truly scary place, and definitely not the world I would want my daughters to grow up in – their feminine genius deserves far better than cold indifference.
-Brendan Malone

Oil

If you drove to protest oil or it's movement, your argument is invalid.

Holy Drama! So sick of it!!!

The title of this post is the first Facebook post in my friend's latest bout of social media diarrhea. Over the past 12 days there have been over 25 posts that tell me otherwise. Apparently you feed on fucking drama.
"Holy drama! So sick of it!!!"
(With a title like that, I'm thinking this one is gonna be good, so I'll watch it unfold)

"So tired. Can't sleep. Too much on my mind."
(Followed by three more I can't sleep posts...no wonder...the light from your phone must be blinding at 3am)

"There's another holiday that didn't work out."
(Vague booking at its finest, but nobody commented. Too bad for your ego.)

"Love people who treat you right"
"It's confirmed. I'm just a maid."
(Followed by 10 internet memes on the same theme, passive aggressive much?)

"My BF (BF tagged here) is 10 times better than the rest!!!"
(No pressure, fella)

"Would he miss me if I disappeared?"
(Just pathetic)

"It's official. I'm done!!!"
"My give a damn is broken!!"
(Damn, is the show over already?)

"Don't push a loyal person to the point that they don't care."
(Ahhhh, possible redemption. Pass the popcorn)

"Be with someone who doesn't stress you."
(This is a problem you can solve without Facebook but go on...)

"I feel unwanted"
(Poor pitiful you, why would anyone besides a Kardashian want their  love life played out for the world to see? I thought you were suck of the drama. Pass the peanuts.)

"Treat me the way I deserve to be treated."
(You just keep holding that lightbulb, the world revolves around you so eventually it will get screwed in if you just stand there.)

"No emotions left. Nothing!!!"
(I bet that's not true. I'm betting a new bucket of popcorn on it.)

"Barely slept. It's gonna be a long day."
(Who needs Coronation Street?)

Some days

I have been careful not to have by children. It's not that I don't like kids, it's just because I have never met my kids mom yet. Well, maybe I have met her, but I haven't slept with her yet. Some days though, I think it may have been worth it to have a child, even out of "wedlock". Maybe the drama that surrounds that is worth it in the long run...some days I wish I had a kid of my own. Maybe that sounds selfish, like I don't have the kids best interest at heart...and that is why I don't have kids...I only want a child that has two full time parents, committed to the family.
I wish I had a child.