Add a little alcohol to stupid and...well.
Mumbling something about her husband and a broken window, I caught the word asshole over the music. She had already had a couple or nine drinks, told me she was out of money and asked me to buy her a drink. Not wanting to further contribute to her train wreck, I politely declined and turned back to the business at hand of mixing music.
Angrily, she yelled at me, "Don't you understand that I will give you a blowjob for a drink?!". I told her I was good, joking that I'd had one earlier and again turned back to the soundboard.
Mixing music is a full contact thing for me when I'm in the zone...both hands are pretty much in use all the time, I'm concentrating on the beat and in a hip hop nightclub it's not unusual to have ladies on stage dancing and grindin' so when she tucked in behind me and started to to shake her groove thing it was no big thing at first, but she became increasingly annoying and since she was already drunk and had no money I decided that I'd have her removed.
The doormen were all laughing at the drunken mess she was and unknown to me were quite relishing in the fact that they had convinced her to target me as her "get back at her old man sex partner" so when I looked across the bar at them they simply shrugged and smiled.
With a deft motion and incredible speed she reached around undid my fly and pulled a TSA screener on me. No back of the hand here, this was a full-on package grab, I quickly removed her hand and re-zipped my fly, telling her not to touch me there. This apparently offended her deeply as she broke immediately into tears and ran out the front door.
The doorman outside told me she was arrested some blocks away after she jumped into her car, bounced off a moving pickup truck in full view of a nearby cop.
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