Some helpful tips and etiquette for online play that should be included in the manual of the "Game of the Year" edition. Enjoy!
- Primary weapons are only used by homosexuals. Why bother trying to master a rifle when secondary weapons offer rocket launchers that eliminate the need for accuracy and skill.
- Secondary weapons are clearly best. As the old adage goes: First the worst, second the best, third the nerd with the 62% accuracy and 17.89 kill/death ratio.
- Akimbo is a German word that means "win." Always shoot from the hip, it was good enough for Rambo.
- Even though the action is fast-paced and exhilarating, take the time to remind everyone how "close" you were to getting the "Attack Dog" killstreak reward. Explain that you just needed 2 more kills (and 38 less deaths, but that's not relevant information).
- Diving into prone (sometimes confused with skill) is a bug that will be fixed in the next patch. Anyone who uses the ability is a hacker; stop exploiting the game mechanics.
- Keep in mind that anyone who isn't constantly running, jumping, and spinning is a camper.
- Yell at anyone using a sniper rifle. If you are in the prone position you are cheating.
- If you are unfortunate enough to have a sniper on your team, try stabbing him to show your resentment for his being alive. (I use the male gender-specific pronoun because girls don't play COD. Screaming 8-year-old boys [a.k.a. N00Bs] can sometimes be confused for females talking because the longitudinal sound waves produced by air passing through their vocal chords are identical.)
- There are literally hundreds of perk combinations to choose from. Save time experimenting by picking the best ones: Lightweight Pro, Steady Aim Pro, and Marathon Pro.
- Kill cams are for losers. Skip them to get back in the action faster. Voice complaints about the same guy killing you the entire game.
- If you are what the law would consider an adult, be sure to yell at prepubescent children. Name calling is the best medium to display your intellectual superiority and to teach them respect and maturity. May I suggest using the words bitch, fag, homo, gay, smelly stupid face, and Bolshevik to add some much needed color to otherwise dull internet harassment.
- If someone is better than you at the game, you should threaten to "kick their fucking ass" in real life. Nothing says tough bad ass like internet anonymity.
- Last and least, if you are the subject (victim) of a game-winning kill cam, call the kill "cheap, lame, lucky, bullshit, retarded." Verbal abuses will keep you warm during those times you are lost in a blizzard of embarrassment.
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