God Discovers Lawn Care

GOD AND ST. FRANCIS DISCUSSING LAWNS
GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

250 euros in the morning raised to 800 euros the same night?
That's what happened in some hotels in Europe while the ash cloud prevented flights. Akin to the waste left on the barn floor by a bovine male, that's bullshit.

Capitalizing on misfortune is wrong.

Telling latecomers there is no room at the hotel or that in case of emergency there may be room in the garage or on the lawn is right.

Easy.
Shame on you.

How to Get Your Request Played

Don't Ask!...

1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD…SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO! The D.J. has to play
for more than one person…so, what you may hate may be another's
favorite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced to one way or
another.

2. WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A BEAT? BE SERIOUS! We know of NO
songs played in a club that don't have some sort of a beat!

3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG,
BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS… Please don't sing for the D.J.! They have to
put up with playa-filled rooms and dangerous decibel levels all night.
Do them a favor and DON'T give them a rendition of your favorite song!

4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT! Oh sure, you polled EVERYONE in the
club and, as their spokesperson, you are requesting the song.

5. I'M GONNA GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT! If you are GOOD ENOUGH, you can
get laid to anything!! (also been known as "buy the album and get laid
for a month!"). If you need ME to play you a song so that YOU can get
laid, you've got problems. Besides, point your girl out to the DJ and
I will play it for her after you get wasted and pass out.

6. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT! The only people who can get away with that
statement write the D.J.'s paycheck, with the exception of the guy
with the $100 tip! Plus more often than not, the dj has the next song
already cued up and ready to go, and does not have time to find your
song, get it on the decks, and get it cued up in time to be next.

7. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR…WHAT DO YOU HAVE? It's a lot easier
for you to go have another beer and figure out what you want to hear
than it is for the D.J. to recite the name of EVERY record in the
booth! Also don't ask for a songlist! I don't know of any club DJ's
that actually keep a printed list with them! We keep it in our heads
or sometimes in a database!

8. HEY YO, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS! It is not advisable to say this
when the dance floor is packed (but, some people do anyway)! However,
even if there is only ONE person on the floor, it STILL contradicts
the statement. You're just being rude. Have an open mind about music.

9. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE TO IT IF YOU PLAY IT! The D.J. won't…I guess
that blows a hole in that theory! Plus half the time I hear this,
no-one goes to the dance floor except for the person that asked for
it, and when they realize they're the only one that wanted to dance to
it, they bail. If you ask the DJ for a dance song and don't dance to
it, expect the DJ to ignore your requests the rest of the night.
However, if we play your song and you dance and have a good time, even
if no-one else does, we'll still take your next request seriously. We
like to please, even if it's one person at a time.

SOME EXTRA ASSORTED THINGS NOT TO SAY

If you ask for a song and the D.J. says he just played it, DON'T SAY,
"Well, I just got here." It makes absolutely no difference. None at
all. If you want to be sure you hear your favorite song at the club,
you better be there when the dj starts his/her set. We don't have a
flashing red light in the booth that tells us that you're there and we
can play your song now.

If you ask for a song, BE SPECIFIC. DON'T SAY, "I wanna hear
something, anything but this!" Try going to the bar and saying, "I
wanna drink something, anything but this…" You can't complain if
you're not SPECIFIC.

HOWEVER, if you ARE specific and the D.J. says he doesn't have the
song, DON'T SAY, "What?!! What do you mean you don't have it? What
kind of DJ are you? Why don't you get into the wonderful world of fast
food! You obviously don't know what you're doing as a D.J.!"…

THE DJ MAY SHOOT YOU!!! OR DROP KICK YOU MATRIX STYLE! Or just have
you escorted out of the club. We can do that. Trust me. DO NOT BE AN
JERK.

Special Note

A nightclub D.J. gets very little respect. They are expected to play
everything for everybody. It is impossible to satisfy all to the
people all of the time, yet club jocks are expected to do just that.
If a radio jock tells his listeners a song is a hit, the majority of
the people think it must be "because they said so on the radio".

However, 80% of the time that same song was being played in a club
long before the radio "DISCOVERED" the "NEW" song. So give the D.J. a
break!

The next time you request a song, stop and think before you speak.
Remember a request is just that… a request!! It's not a guarantee your
song will get played!!

Ask once for your song and the DJ will try and play it. Keep asking
and you're being a pain!

Don't send all your friends to request the same song hoping to get it
played. DJ's aren't that stupid!! They get dozens of requests in a
night and there isn't enough time to play them all.

If you have a cd that you want the DJ to play, and the DJ agrees to
listen to it, they're ALREADY DOING YOU A FAVOR BY TAKING THE TIME TO
DO SO.

If they don't play it don't be angry, they made a judgement call that
the music wasn't the right type to be played. Or if you walk up and
you see that all the DJ is using is two turntables and there is no CD
player in site, dont ask if I can get one hooked up real quick, like I
am gonna stop everything I am doing to go find a CD player, which i
probably dont have with me, and then start to disconect every wire and
get it all hooked up to see if your wack music you made at home on
your casio keyboard is even worth droping in the club. Better yet just
dont ask!!! If you wanna hear only songs that you wanna hear, STAY AT
HOME AND LISTEN TO YOUR CD'S.

If you DJ or MC (or just say that you do) DONT ask me if you can
"dj/mc for a little bit" AT MY GIG especially if I dont know you! If
you wanna spin/mc at a club, talk to the owners and give them a mix
tape! No one will take you serious without one. Of course unless you
already have paying gigs (in which case you wouldnt be tryin to do it
at my gig). They're paying us to play music and make announcements,
not to host open mic night.

My booth is not a "Coat Check" So don't come up in it asking me if I
could watch your coat/purse. If all of your stuff is to much for you
to handle you should have left it in your Damn car!!!

Also don't come up in the DJ booth and just hover around!!!! A DJ
needs space to work.You don't see me coming into your work and
standing over your computer, or looking over your shoulder while your
trying to work. That would just be plain rude!!

And if I do decide to let you hang around in the both, NEVER EVER set
your BEER/Drink down around my VERY EXPENSIVE equipment!!!!! If that
spills I'm out Thousands of Dollars!!!!! You don't see me and my
girlfriend hanging out on the hood of your car.

So PLEASE show me the same respect for something important to me.

And above all and !!!Most Importantly!!!, if the DJ has one hand on
the mixer, one hand on a turntable and is wearing headphones, DON'T
BUG US unless you know us!!!!!!!

Oh, I almost for got one more thing. Don't flash us any money for your
request unless William Lyon Mackenzie King is on the
bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Put everything else ion the tip jar.

It's a hard job being a DJ. Our work most of the time goes very much
unappreciated. Think about it, we are the only people in the club who
don't get a chance to actually just sit and hang out with our buddies.
We are the first to show up, and the last to leave the club. If we
stop to take a break, the whole club and the music stops with us. We
spend sometimes 6 to 8 hours in a booth, STANDING the whole time. We
are lucky if we get a chance to find a second to take a bathroom
break. Cause when we screw up and the music stops everyone starts
yelling and complaining. "No one ever remembers when we are doing a
good job, but screw up even once, and everyone notices"

If you read this and appreciate it…. Post a comment,

And Remember Support your local DJ.

Listen to their mix.

Better yet come down to thier club and represent when they are spinning!!!

Who Influences Our Education?

Its all in what we teach them, therefore it is important who we are. If we leave the task of education to others and abdicate our responsibility of monitoring what they learn and instilling core values then we have to be prepared to take what we get. Those others may be thousands of sources including teachers, mentors, government, friends, music, movies, advertising or strangers.
Until you know what they learning from each one they are all strangers.

This is a true story about a guy who is the kid of one of my friends and has become my friend, who is on his way home from work.

Ryan* ...known him since the day he was born, well mannered, good morals and behavior...developed a “punk” style in clothing, music and style when he was in his early teens. Kinda like we did for Kiss, Rush, Lead Zepp and bomber jackets only now with the Dead Kennedy's and Marilyn Manson. Ryan was taught manners and ethics by his parents, who are by the way closer to the Simpsons than the Cunninghams, the important thing is that they personally taught him right from wrong, giving him a solid framework within which he could collect the souvenirs of the culture around him and a moral compass to help him sort out his own direction in life. As a respectful adult, a nicer young man you'll never meet.

Location: A Bus Stop in front of a Urban Downtown Shopping Mall
Time: 9:00 pm

Characters:
Ryan: 25, Respected Sous Chef, 6'5”, 250lbs, army boots, pierced everything, black ripped skater shorts, leather and denim jacket, chains and patches.
Yout #1: Skateboard kid #1 12-14 yrs old
Yout #2: Skateboard kid #2 12-14 yrs old
Yout #3: Skateboard kid #3 12-14 yrs old
Sensei: Late 20's to Mid 30's male

Ryan*, is sitting waiting for the bus and is approached by three youts with skateboards

{RYAN}; [deep sigh]

{YOUTH#1} “What's in the backpack, huh?”

{RYAN} “Nothing”

{YOUT#1} “Give it to us.”

{RYAN, standing up} “There's nothing in it.”

{YOUT #1} “ Give us the backpack”

{RYAN} “I'm just goin' home, I got nothing”

{YOUT #1, moving around to RYAN's rear} “ We're takin' the backpack”

YOUT #1 swings his skateboard to the back of RYAN's head, unfortunately due to the height differential connects with the shoulder only

YOUT #1 is wide eyed, as if to say “if I hit it, it should have fell down”

RYAN slowly takes off his backpack to set it down and in the same fluid motion kicks YOUT #2 square in the gnards with his steel toed heavy black boot, lifting him off the ground.

YOUT#2 drops to the ground wailing in pain, all hope of future reproduction lost.

YOUT#3 turns and flees

YOUT#1 is still stunned, frozen in the moment.

YOUT#2 pukes and rolls onto his side, grabs his skateboard.

{SENSEI}; (Shouting, as yet unseen from the shadows of the buildings to stage left), “ Hey! I TOLD YOU! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT!”

{YOUT#2}; (Urgently, struggling to his feet), “C'mon, huh, we gotta get outta here!”

YOUT#1 now visibly afraid, snaps to and helps YOUT#2 with their getaway.

{RYAN}; “Thanks, Man...”

{SENSEI}; “I'm really sorry, bro', that shouldnt've happened. I been trying to teach these kids and've been followin' them...and like they should not have bothered you, huh?”

{RYAN}; “cool...I do appreciate what you did”

[BUSES ARRIVE]

{SENSEI}; “ We been tryin' to bring'm up right, huh? There's lots of old people around, huh, lots of smaller, weaker that can't defend 'emselves like you, huh, so we gotta follow'em, huh, make sure they don't get themselves into trouble, huh, make sure they don't mark the big white guys or the street kids, huh...they'll get'emselves all jammed up if they mark the wrong ones, huh, gotta bring'em up good.”

{RYAN} (prevented by his own upbringing and the disembarking crowd from acting on his first impulse...to now kick Sensei in the junk) “What the fuck, Man?”

{SENSEI} (as Ryan is boarding the bus) “ ya bro' really sorry abou....”

(Sensei's word trail off as the bus doors close)

*names have been changed to protect the Pwner

Not Evil, Just Wrong

A Dose of Common Sense

 

After watching the premiere of “Not Evil, Just Wrong”, I was left with a bit of an empty feeling. The emptiness came from multiple sources, first from the part of the message…the thought that a powerful few really may truly be able chart the course of humanity’s immediate future history based on alarmist pseudo-science, secondly from the fact that the film’s truly worthy message was diluted by some poor filmmaking.

 

First, we’ll get out of the way my highly subjective and purely personal critique of the film. Initially seeming to promise to clearly address nine specific points of inaccuracy about “An Inconvenient Truth “ the film wandered off and although spending some time on polar bears, ice melt and other topics but the initial focus was somewhat lost when so much time was spent on the DDT ban and coal in the US. The filmmakers also may have lost some “Cronkite” credibility points with the two obvious homage’s to Penn and Teller, using selected interview outtake clips to deliberately undermine the credibility of the subject. Don’t get me wrong, I love P&T’s “Bullsh*t”, but I think that tactic was misplaced in this movie.

 

That being said, the film delivers a common sense message that more people need to hear. We are deeply in the grips of global climate change, just like the generation before us and the generations after us.  Al Gore and his followers, much like the climatologists of the 1630’s or the 1930’s or Agent J wearing the fresh new black suit, are just the latest in a long line of new kids on the block that believe that the task of saving the earth as we know it falls directly on their shoulders.

 

Agent J: Man, we ain't got time for this cover-up bullshit! In case you've forgotten, there's an alien battle cruiser—

Agent K: There's always an alien battle cruiser, or a Corellian death ray, or an intergalactic plague intended to wipe out life on this miserable little planet.

 

It’s shortsighted to eliminate fossil fuels in ten years without having an eminent replacement.

Current storage technology does not allow us to economically replace fossil fuel with solar and wind…to store a week’s worth of commercial power in a battery is cost prohibitive, not to mention what effect the disposal of the heavy metals and chemicals used in the manufacture of storage cells will have environmentally. Added to that, current nimby social conditions seem to prevent the use of nuclear power, at least if involves any step in the process happening near here.

You simply can’t base an economy on intermittent power or power that is not there.

 

Yes, climate is changing; but it is an arrogant position to take to say that we are solely responsible for it. Technology is changing too and right now we need fossil fuel technology to power the search for and transition to other forms of energy. These changes are happening gradually and along a natural course. Introducing human suffering to the mix by shortsightedly reacting to another “Y2K”, “Mad Cow” or “DDT” scare is ethically incorrect…just wrong.

True science is never settled. True science floats a hypothesis and spends the rest of time attempting to disprove it.

 

Climate change may be so gradual and a natural part of the evolutionary process  that the human race will evolve along with it…I submit if  in a hundred thousand years we need gills we will have grown them. The world as we know it over time may not be as we know it.

 

Who’s to say that one of the millions of lives lost to malaria since the DDT ban may not have been the life of the discoverer of the “humming glow-rock”, the as yet undiscovered, naturally occurring, clean, free and renewable power source that eventually led to human autonomy and eventual colonization of space?

 

 

Doug Schmidt

Cabtec Manufacturing

306-721-5545

doug.schmidt@cabtecmfg.com

 

10 Winter Cycling Tips

Sure, winter might mean frozen roads and snow-filled streets but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to put your bicycle away for the season. With a few minor tweaks and preparations, you can ride your bike all winter long.

Whether you use your bike to commute on city streets or ride mountain trails, winter biking can be fun and invigorating. Riding on ice and snow definitely takes some getting used to, but once you’ve adapted, you might just become addicted.

10 Tips for Winter Bicycling

1. If you’ve got to contend with ice, studded tires are the way to go.

2. Lower the pressure in your tires to around 15-20 psi to ride through snow.

3. Wide rim tires, like SnowCat rims, improve traction and flotation in snow and ice.

4. Equip your bike with powerful front and rear lighting to be sure you can see and be seen in a variety of winter conditions.

5. Mount reflectors on your bike – white reflectors are more effective than red ones.

6. Pedal smoothly and relax your upper body while traveling on ice and snow. If you start to slide or get sideways, make small corrections until you straighten out. Over-correcting will only make it worse. Practice on empty streets or trails.

7. Use your rear brake when riding on ice and don’t brake too hard. On soft snow, avoid sinking by keeping up a good speed. If you go too slow, you’ll sink.

8. LAYER! A moisture-wicking base layer made of synthetic or wool is the way to go. Follow with a mid layer, an insulating layer and a windproof shell (very important!). It’s okay to start the ride feeling cool – your body will generate heat quickly once you get going.

9. If it’s snowing or the wind is blowing, ski goggles will be your best friend.

10. Always wear a helmet. For winter riding you might want to consider wearing a balaclava under your helmet or at the very least a winter hat to protect your ears.

 

New! Friggin' Laser Etched Corn Flakes (tm)

http://www.kelloggs.co.uk/whatson/pressoffice/News/kelloggs-corporate-news/kelloggs-combats-fake-flakes


Am I alone in thinking this is...uhhh...misdirected or does this sound like responsible spending?

Kellogg's...I don't think you have anything to brag about this time.

We give our money to Kellogg's so they can spend it (no doubt in the maxi-millions) on R&D to develop the technology that can individually laser etch logos onto Corn Flakes?

Bookmark this for the day they look for a bailout...I'd have been a more satisfied Customer by trusting that the "KELLOGG'S CORN FLAKES" box contained "KELLOGG'S CORN FLAKES" and then a charitable act or donation or a reduction in price (probably a prime driving factor towards increased off-brand purchases) of the already "size-reduced" packaging than insult my intelligence with yet another branding reminder.

"Kellogg's has developed a hi-tech method to stamp out imitation cereals - by branding Corn Flakes with the company logo.

The new technology enables the firm - which makes 67 million boxes of Corn Flakes every year - to burn the famous signature onto individual flakes using lasers...inserting a proportion of branded flakes into each box to guarantee the cereal's origins and protect against imitation products.

The laser uses a concentrated beam of light which focuses the energy within the beam, down to a very small spot on the Corn Flake...galvanometers are then used to steer the beam creating multiple vectors that reflect the laser from different angles and ultimately make up the image...a darker, toasted appearance without changing the taste.

Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.

''We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion...giving our golden flakes of corn an official stamp of approval could be the answer...''

The company also released figures which show sales of Kellogg's Corn Flakes have risen in 2009 as shoppers with limited budgets opt for recognised, reliable brands."