The Simple Things

Some things aren't any easier with a smartphone and modern Internet technology. We are over complicating the simplest of  things. It's over civilization.  Did you know you can now buy prepeeled bananas?  Yeah, peeled bananas in a plastic tray with plastic wrap that you peel off the banana to get at the banana. It's overkill all over the place to solve the most basic dilemmas.

Going to a movie,  for example.
I know why you guys subscribe to Netflix...you're the smart ones...Netflix is easy.
 
Going to a movie used to be easy.  You used to look at the paper for a show time and go.
Or you'd call the theatre and get a guy.  You'd ask the guy what's playing. The guy would rattle off the titles.  You'd ask the guy when the next show time for Star Wars, the guy would tell you and you'd go. If you got a busy signal you'd either call the guy back or go to plan A.

Look in the paper and go.

Now you either call the theatre and after circling the drain in their automated phone system for five long years before getting a recording of all the show times with all the details of each show, and the mothers with babies special times, specific features for handi-able clients and deaf people and all the daily Yogen Fruz specials with an invitation to visit their website at www.wastemytime.com for further information and updated local show times.

By the time I've heard all that, the freaking movie is on freaking BluRay disc already.  OR I can use my smart phone,  tablet or PC to go to the website first, but that redirects me to CinemaClock for pop up advertising and a battle to tell it where I am because it is confusing the WiFi info with my phones GPS's info and it thinks I'm looking for movie information in Toronto.

Once I've convinced the menuing system that I'm in Regina and  not Toronto I'm faced with new selections for every theatre and library within 50 miles and have to narrow my search criteria to ultimately find out that Star Wars isn't playing at the IMAX tonight. But that's OK, the whole process took until tomorrow anyways. We're now going to be early for the next show.

That's when you just Netflix and chill.

Emojis Caused the Downfall of Egypt

The Egyptian language wasn't all emojis all the time

The Egyptians had a cursive alphabet and a written language long before Hieroglyphics were invented,  they used it to write contracts and history,  sacred texts and clearly written instructions for doing amazing things like building pyramids and shit.
Then one day along comes some asshole with the first Hieroglyph,  the very first emoji.
That was the beginning of the downfall of Egyptian civilization. Their use exploded onto the scene,  new glyphs being issued every few months so people could dumb themselves down even further with cute combinations like an owl and a bee and an hourglass when they were going to be a couple of days late for some circumcision ceremony or something.

After that it was all downhill for the Egyptians...only the smart people continued to use cursive written language,  and they ended up leaving Egypt to open up bagel shops and diamond cutting businesses around the world. Only the emoji zombies remained and they didn't understand the history and carefully written instructions left for them detailing how to maintain the equipment.

Thousands of years of carefully planned societal order gone to waste just because some low brow son of an Egyptian slave couldn't find the time or creativity to craft a well worded love letter to that hot little slave girl down the Euphrates and sent her a picture of his snake instead.
We’re heading back to ancient Egyptian times...next stop the stone age, and we are going there with a big yellow smiley grin on our faces.