They Aren't Listening

Lori has become accustomed to having a double hamburger order arrive as a double cheeseburger so pulling up to the drive through window at the Sask Drive Dairy Queen, she asked for a "Double Hamburger...no cheese please... and a large fr...". She hadn't completed the word "fries" before she was interrupted by a voice from the speaker, "Do you want that in a combo?". She told the speaker that they could price it however they wanted and continued with her order, "I'd like a double hamburger, no cheese please, a large fries, regular Pepsi and a bowl of chili on the side please.
"Uh...Hold on a minute..." said the speaker punctuated by the click of a microphone being shut off.
Shortly a different voice came from the speaker, "Sorry for the wait...that'll be a double cheeseburger, large fries and a super sized drink?"
"No", Lori replied, "A double HAMBURGER. No cheese. Large fries, REGULAR drink and chili on the side please."
After a short pause the speaker apologized again, "Sorry, a double cheeseburger with no cheese, large fries, regular drink and chili?"
Essentially correct, although it would have been simpler and clearer to say "Double Hamburger" rather than the more cumbersome and confusing "Double Cheeseburger with no Cheese", so Lori said, "Yes.".
Transaction complete. Almost. Only to take delivery of the food now.
Lori can see through the window into the heart of the operation as the DQ operative puts her burger and fries into the bag and assembles it together with her drink, looks up and she sees through the glass his mouth form the words, "Where's the chili?" and then simply shrug.
Lori accepted the bag and the drink, quietly accepted the fact that the chili had been forgotten and went on her way only to find a little down the road that the Pepsi was all water and carbonation with no syrup.
Lori gave up. She poured the drink out, stopped at the convenience store, bought a bottle of pop and went home.

The chili? It was on the burger.

How do You Measure Success?

Born in another era, before the roaring 1920's on tiny Rhode Island, she lived there all her life with a few close friends. She became a wife until her beloved husband passed away, they had children, all who went on to be very successful professionals...one even won a trophy called the Grey Cup up in Canada once.
For her 93rd birthday, her children arranged a surprise party at her home in Rhode Island. All the kids were there and half a dozen of her childhood friends too...she was overwhelmed with joy and was overheard during the party, whispering ever so quietly to herself, "Thank You, Charlie I'll see you soon.".

The party ended she wished her family and friends good spirits and wealth, thanked them for coming with a welcome to return and bade them goodbye for the night.
Shortly after the party and with a clean bill of health she quietly passed away.

God Bless You Phil

Trent Reznor is torturing his cat to death.

I saw a video today of Trent Reznor ( of Nine Inch Nails) speaking on behalf of PETA against the fur trade. Later I looked at a bio of Trent Reznor and wondered if he knew their views on household pets.

"Pets: Female Golden Labrador Retriever 'Emmy Lou' Female Weimariner 'Daisy'
He has a dog named Daisy May, (this is actually the second one named Daisy; the first one jumped off from a balcony during The Downward Spiral Tour) and another dog named Ethyl. After daisy died, Trent sat in his trailor and would not come out for 3 days. :'(

Trent is allergic to cats and pollen, yet has a cat named Fuckchop."

...direct from PETA's own website,

"We at PETA very much love the animal companions who share our homes but...this selfish desire to possess animals and receive love from them causes immeasurable suffering, which results from manipulating their breeding, selling or giving them away casually, and depriving them of the opportunity to engage in their natural behavior. They are restricted to human homes, where they must obey commands and can only eat, drink, and even urinate when humans allow them to."
Further on they state, "Please keep cats safe indoors...free-roaming cats defecate in gardens and sandboxes and eat plants on other people's property. Angry, exasperated neighbors frequently take matters into their own hands. PETA's office routinely gets calls from people whose cats have been stolen, shot, poisoned, or tortured to death."
By their own logic
Statement: "We at PETA very much love the animal companions who share our homes"
Statement: "receiving love from them causes immeasurable suffering"
Statement: "Please keep cats safe indoors...cats have been stolen, shot, poisoned, or tortured to death."

So, they don't believe in killing cats or, as I learned also from their website, setting them free. They concede this causes the cat "immeasurable suffering".
Therefore, could it not be said, all cats loved in the homes of PETA supporters are being "tortured to death"?


http://www.peta.org/issues/companion-animals/outdoor-cats.aspx

http://www.peta.org/features/Trent-Reznor-dog-cat-fur-video.aspx

Go Ahead and Fart!

Go Ahead and Fart!
By far, the most attractive woman is the independent one.
Delving deep into our caveman roots we are hard wired, I think, to seek a woman who is able to take care of herself and her household without help...so if the man does not return from the hunt someday he knows that his family will be secure.
That very same independence can be very intimidating, though, for some fellows if they are not prepared to embrace that she had a life, likes and friends before he showed up.
To "Man-Up", as they say, requires listening, getting to know her and allowing her to maintain her own space, you can't push a rope and life throws enough REAL drama at you that there is no point in manufacturing any more...F/B can be a real tool for drama creation too...again my advice is to get to know her if you want, maybe befriend her, but LEARN her story, there are so many reasons she may be single...she may not even be...lol...check my blog for a true story called "Press 'Stalk" if you like this".
...just the truth as I see it...so I'll title this essay "Go Ahead and Fart...we like people for their qualities but love them for their defects."

God Discovers Lawn Care

GOD AND ST. FRANCIS DISCUSSING LAWNS
GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

250 euros in the morning raised to 800 euros the same night?
That's what happened in some hotels in Europe while the ash cloud prevented flights. Akin to the waste left on the barn floor by a bovine male, that's bullshit.

Capitalizing on misfortune is wrong.

Telling latecomers there is no room at the hotel or that in case of emergency there may be room in the garage or on the lawn is right.

Easy.
Shame on you.

How to Get Your Request Played

Don't Ask!...

1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD…SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO! The D.J. has to play
for more than one person…so, what you may hate may be another's
favorite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced to one way or
another.

2. WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A BEAT? BE SERIOUS! We know of NO
songs played in a club that don't have some sort of a beat!

3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG,
BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS… Please don't sing for the D.J.! They have to
put up with playa-filled rooms and dangerous decibel levels all night.
Do them a favor and DON'T give them a rendition of your favorite song!

4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT! Oh sure, you polled EVERYONE in the
club and, as their spokesperson, you are requesting the song.

5. I'M GONNA GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT! If you are GOOD ENOUGH, you can
get laid to anything!! (also been known as "buy the album and get laid
for a month!"). If you need ME to play you a song so that YOU can get
laid, you've got problems. Besides, point your girl out to the DJ and
I will play it for her after you get wasted and pass out.

6. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT! The only people who can get away with that
statement write the D.J.'s paycheck, with the exception of the guy
with the $100 tip! Plus more often than not, the dj has the next song
already cued up and ready to go, and does not have time to find your
song, get it on the decks, and get it cued up in time to be next.

7. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR…WHAT DO YOU HAVE? It's a lot easier
for you to go have another beer and figure out what you want to hear
than it is for the D.J. to recite the name of EVERY record in the
booth! Also don't ask for a songlist! I don't know of any club DJ's
that actually keep a printed list with them! We keep it in our heads
or sometimes in a database!

8. HEY YO, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS! It is not advisable to say this
when the dance floor is packed (but, some people do anyway)! However,
even if there is only ONE person on the floor, it STILL contradicts
the statement. You're just being rude. Have an open mind about music.

9. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE TO IT IF YOU PLAY IT! The D.J. won't…I guess
that blows a hole in that theory! Plus half the time I hear this,
no-one goes to the dance floor except for the person that asked for
it, and when they realize they're the only one that wanted to dance to
it, they bail. If you ask the DJ for a dance song and don't dance to
it, expect the DJ to ignore your requests the rest of the night.
However, if we play your song and you dance and have a good time, even
if no-one else does, we'll still take your next request seriously. We
like to please, even if it's one person at a time.

SOME EXTRA ASSORTED THINGS NOT TO SAY

If you ask for a song and the D.J. says he just played it, DON'T SAY,
"Well, I just got here." It makes absolutely no difference. None at
all. If you want to be sure you hear your favorite song at the club,
you better be there when the dj starts his/her set. We don't have a
flashing red light in the booth that tells us that you're there and we
can play your song now.

If you ask for a song, BE SPECIFIC. DON'T SAY, "I wanna hear
something, anything but this!" Try going to the bar and saying, "I
wanna drink something, anything but this…" You can't complain if
you're not SPECIFIC.

HOWEVER, if you ARE specific and the D.J. says he doesn't have the
song, DON'T SAY, "What?!! What do you mean you don't have it? What
kind of DJ are you? Why don't you get into the wonderful world of fast
food! You obviously don't know what you're doing as a D.J.!"…

THE DJ MAY SHOOT YOU!!! OR DROP KICK YOU MATRIX STYLE! Or just have
you escorted out of the club. We can do that. Trust me. DO NOT BE AN
JERK.

Special Note

A nightclub D.J. gets very little respect. They are expected to play
everything for everybody. It is impossible to satisfy all to the
people all of the time, yet club jocks are expected to do just that.
If a radio jock tells his listeners a song is a hit, the majority of
the people think it must be "because they said so on the radio".

However, 80% of the time that same song was being played in a club
long before the radio "DISCOVERED" the "NEW" song. So give the D.J. a
break!

The next time you request a song, stop and think before you speak.
Remember a request is just that… a request!! It's not a guarantee your
song will get played!!

Ask once for your song and the DJ will try and play it. Keep asking
and you're being a pain!

Don't send all your friends to request the same song hoping to get it
played. DJ's aren't that stupid!! They get dozens of requests in a
night and there isn't enough time to play them all.

If you have a cd that you want the DJ to play, and the DJ agrees to
listen to it, they're ALREADY DOING YOU A FAVOR BY TAKING THE TIME TO
DO SO.

If they don't play it don't be angry, they made a judgement call that
the music wasn't the right type to be played. Or if you walk up and
you see that all the DJ is using is two turntables and there is no CD
player in site, dont ask if I can get one hooked up real quick, like I
am gonna stop everything I am doing to go find a CD player, which i
probably dont have with me, and then start to disconect every wire and
get it all hooked up to see if your wack music you made at home on
your casio keyboard is even worth droping in the club. Better yet just
dont ask!!! If you wanna hear only songs that you wanna hear, STAY AT
HOME AND LISTEN TO YOUR CD'S.

If you DJ or MC (or just say that you do) DONT ask me if you can
"dj/mc for a little bit" AT MY GIG especially if I dont know you! If
you wanna spin/mc at a club, talk to the owners and give them a mix
tape! No one will take you serious without one. Of course unless you
already have paying gigs (in which case you wouldnt be tryin to do it
at my gig). They're paying us to play music and make announcements,
not to host open mic night.

My booth is not a "Coat Check" So don't come up in it asking me if I
could watch your coat/purse. If all of your stuff is to much for you
to handle you should have left it in your Damn car!!!

Also don't come up in the DJ booth and just hover around!!!! A DJ
needs space to work.You don't see me coming into your work and
standing over your computer, or looking over your shoulder while your
trying to work. That would just be plain rude!!

And if I do decide to let you hang around in the both, NEVER EVER set
your BEER/Drink down around my VERY EXPENSIVE equipment!!!!! If that
spills I'm out Thousands of Dollars!!!!! You don't see me and my
girlfriend hanging out on the hood of your car.

So PLEASE show me the same respect for something important to me.

And above all and !!!Most Importantly!!!, if the DJ has one hand on
the mixer, one hand on a turntable and is wearing headphones, DON'T
BUG US unless you know us!!!!!!!

Oh, I almost for got one more thing. Don't flash us any money for your
request unless William Lyon Mackenzie King is on the
bill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Put everything else ion the tip jar.

It's a hard job being a DJ. Our work most of the time goes very much
unappreciated. Think about it, we are the only people in the club who
don't get a chance to actually just sit and hang out with our buddies.
We are the first to show up, and the last to leave the club. If we
stop to take a break, the whole club and the music stops with us. We
spend sometimes 6 to 8 hours in a booth, STANDING the whole time. We
are lucky if we get a chance to find a second to take a bathroom
break. Cause when we screw up and the music stops everyone starts
yelling and complaining. "No one ever remembers when we are doing a
good job, but screw up even once, and everyone notices"

If you read this and appreciate it…. Post a comment,

And Remember Support your local DJ.

Listen to their mix.

Better yet come down to thier club and represent when they are spinning!!!